I was having a conversation with a friend and we talking about offering comfort to our children. I am reminded of what one of my good friend and teacher, Lency, said about the Mother’s Lap being the only place that all children (whether they are grown up or not) really need.
What Is A Mother's Lap
Whenever our children are upset or angry, The Mother's Lap is the one place where our children will feel safe, loved and understood. It is the safe haven where they can express their anger and pain they feel and be healed of it by the love of a mother.
As an “experienced” mother of a teenager, there were also countless times in my motherhood journey where the instances of offering The Mother’s Lap was truly comforting for my child. And I could tell that he deeply appreciated being offered this space because he will super happy, sweet and thoughtful towards me afterwards.
And while I saw for myself how powerful The Mother’s Lap is for my child, I didn’t expect it to be my saving grace when I was literally “burning” in hell. I never experienced the comfort of The Mother’s Lap more deeply and strongly than when I hugged my mother and cried uncontrollably when I was getting divorced. My mother never said a word. She merely held me in her arms and stroked my back wordlessly, something she hasn’t done for the 40-year-old me in a long, long while. But the amount of comfort and strength her understanding gave me was immensely deep and profound. It made me feel much better instantly and gave me the courage to take steps forward in my life that propelled me to the happiness and joy I experience today.
A Mother's Lap Is Not Really A Mummy's Lap
The Mother's Lap, is not really someone’s lap though. It is really just a metaphor for a safe haven for those in pain. The mother’s lap can be offered by anyone- mother, father, partner or friend.
It is simply called A Mother’s Lap because a Mother’s Love is so expansive and all embracing that it is able hold this sacred space for healing to happen. If we are willing, we can open up our hearts and embrace the people around us like a mother would and we can really make a difference to this world.
Instead of Judging, We Could Offer A Mother's Lap
A wise teacher of mine said that people who feel bad will behave bad. This applies to our children as well. Many a times, we do not realize that when our children (or even partners) are throwing tantrums, it is just because they are feeling bad and need The Mother's Lap..
Instead, of judging them for being bad, unreasonable or naughty, we could offer them The Mother’s Lap so they could express their hurt in a safe and mature way and get over it.
It can be tricky for parents to remember to do that though because sometimes when our children behave badly, we are triggered when we start thinking that they are not behaving like GOOD children should because "I am not a good mother/father." This for me usually creates some form of guilt and if I am not mindful, I end up reacting by scolding or punishing my child. (Yes, I am but human too.)
The Importance Of A Mother's Lap
Though it is not easy, it is very important that we make mindful efforts to provide The Mother’s Lap for our children and even the people we love around us.
When we scold or punish our children when they are behaving badly to force them to STOP, we are merely teaching them not to behave in this way again by SUPPRESSING their emotions when they are triggered by the same cause again.
Suppressed emotions gets trapped within us and cannot be released unless they are “burnt” away when we feel our emotions deeply. When we suppress emotions, we will keep experiencing the bad feelings again and again. In this way, they may end up later in life as some form of problem.
For example, a child who cries when frightened may be scolded and asked to, “Stop crying!” The next time they are frightened, instead of facing the fear, they may suppress the fear so that they do not cry and receive a scolding again. When the child suppresses the crying and fear, when they grow up, this fear may still be 'felt' as fear towards having relationships, fear towards moving forward in their lives, fear towards having success in their careers and create problems in their lives. One can only imagine what sort of life the child can enjoy if there is so much fear in the various aspects of their life.
The Mother’s Lap is so important because it allows our children to burn away the bad feelings they have and get over it completely. Losing the chance to do that may cause more hurt and harm in the end.
Your Most Valuable Gift
I urge you to be generous and gift your children The Mother’s Lap whenever possible. When we do so, we also show them the way to gift this precious gift to their children, their spouses and even their friends. Who knows, as the effect multiplies, The Mother’s Lap may create a better, different world than the one we are experiencing now!
Contact me or read more about them here.